Vava’u, Tonga
What would a real Polynesian country have?
Well, pigs. They have a lot of pigs.
And unlike their fellow Polynesian countries, corrupted as they are by European influences, Tonga actually uses their pigs for their highest truest purpose:
Tonga has bacon!
No, not euro/Canadian inferior bacon. Real bacon. Bacon bacon. The only actual freaking pig product that deserves the title of bacon and that’s freaking bacon!
Months dude…it’s been MONTHS. We have spared you the depravity that we have endured, forced to consume Canadian bacon (AKA ham) instead of actual bacon just to survive.
And what goes better with bacon cheeseburgers than beer!?
Oh Tonga has good beer. It’s made in New Zealand now for Tonga but whatever, it used to be made here and it’s so freaking good. It has a dark look to it and a nice full flavor you’d expect from that but it’s not too heavy so it can be enjoyed in warm weather. And it’s not too strong that you’re gonna get destroyed after a beer or two. No ladies and gents this is the kind of beer you can sit at the yacht club and enjoy all afternoon with your friends, not make a complete moron of yourself and still manage to get back to yacht in the evening and it is “tasty” to use Tiffany’s exact words. It’s kickin’ back beer.
And sailing outrigger canoes. Which is how the Polynesians settled this ocean in the first place after all.
Not that they really use them anymore, now that they have a Navy and boats and stuff
But it’s a historical preservation thing.
They also have original Polynesian dress. So for Tongans, that’s the Tupenu. It looks like a really nice hand-woven mat that is worn like a skit would be (both men and women wear them) but serves, as near as we can figure it, as somewhere around their Sunday best and a suit. It’s like a kilt, but for warm weather. Kids have a version they wear with their school uniforms and everyone wears this to church. Everyone.
Did we mention church yet?
For an interesting take on how Polynesian explorers got around before the discovery of the combustion engines click on “Ballsiest Way to Travel Known to Man”
About the authors
Greg and Tiffany are traveling around the world on sailing yachts and keep a video blog of their (mis)adventures. If sailing to Tahiti on a 44 ft sailboat, getting pooped on by seagulls, opening coconuts with dull machetes, sailing past tornadoes and ukulele Christmas carols are for you, then check them out at www.CoastGuardCouple.com!
