Tiffany and Greg Around the World
Bar Manager: Greg, You’re sober right?
Greg (bartending): Uh, yeah?
Bar Manager: Right, you’re the only one so do you mind driving the ambulance to the hospital while the medic works on the patient?
Greg: uh…
Do I get to use the siren?
Continue reading “Sure I’ll drive the Ambulance”
What chronicle of our many adventures tending bars in the remote outreaches of the Outback would be complete without a pub quiz?
Here in Australia many of the beers do you the courtesy of printing questions right on the bottle caps so their customers can all stay in constant training for that next pub quiz night. Consequently, one works at an Australian pub long enough – pretty much about a week really – and one ends up with a working database of Quiz questions.
Questions that make you feel really, really ignorant – or, in Greg’s case, sometimes grateful for being a bit of nerd:
After the arduous process of “studying” for our Responsible Service of Alcohol test we passed our course and became certified Australian bartenders!
About 48 hours later came our first outback pub job over at Thursday Island, Australia.
One hitch – where the heck is Thursday Island?
Now we know what you’re thinking –
3 people
1 frigging huge campah
5 days
1786 miles
1 vast barren wasteland that inspired the Mad max movies
Some dinosaurs
And let’s not forget it’s us right? So…a boat. There needs to be a boat.
And this is how all that turned out…
Like we said, Uluru (AKA – Ayer’s Rock) is not IN Alice Springs.
It’s 287 miles away.
Then there’s the whole bit of us then needing to immediately backtrack that whole route in order to make the 1786 mile drive from Uluru to Cairns.
Through, might we remind you, that whole “barren wasteland where nobody lives except freaking feral camels” part of the country.
(gonna say that twice – FERAL. CAMELS.)
And us with a car that went and got itself all kablooied up all the way back in Adelaide.
So there we were, middle of the desert, no car, no transit system that links to Alice to Uluru to Cairns and on a short time table.
It’s moments like these that Greg loves being married to Tiffany.
There was one thing the camels, or the train that replaced the camels, couldn’t help us with.
Something that was a serious point of consideration for us when we decided to come out into the pretty much completely uninhabited ‘Red Centre’ of a country that takes a sense of personal pride from the fact that a swift and painful demise is never more than a few feet away even in the most urbanized of areas…
…oh lets not forget the ever present and very real threat of detesticulation…
And that thought was “Ok, so what happens if we’re a few thousand miles from the nearest hospital…
…and we end up getting detesticulated? What do we do!?!
