That Crab’s on fire!

Random uninhabited beach, central Fakarava, Tuamotu, French Polynesia

Figuring out that US $67.25 doesn’t even buy a single dinner out for Tiffany and myself at any restaurant on the island (seriously, crazy expensive here), my career as a professional dare taker comes to sudden, if not awesome, end.

Not that I won’t take dares.  Please, by all means.

We hauled anchor and headed up the Coast, well, the coast on the inside of the island, which isn’t very far from the other coast on the outside of the island.  Here let me show you what I mean:

Yeah, that’s really it.  Think about that for a second, they live on an island no wider than a few football fields in the middle of the Pacific.  There is a certain reassurance that large land mass provides, a reassurance that until now I had not ever noticed before.  It is something very disconcerting about being able to see both coasts at the same time of the only land for about 100 + miles.  Something in the back of your mind that says: hey, if there’s a tidal wave buddy, or maybe a hurricane, this island ain’t gonna do much more than trip it up a bit.  You’re basically screwed…

…it gives one pause.

Dropping anchor for the night, we went ashore and decided to have a “genuine natural Polynesian island beach experience.”  What does this mean?  More coconuts!

Few points here:

1)  What did Tiffany and Greg learn from their last coconut experience?  Not a DARN thing, thank-you very much!

2) Actual Polynesians are not in any way interested in “genuine natural Polynesian experiences.”  I met this dude a few days later:

Huh, a fire axe.  Don’t see that in too many beach movies eh?  Just in case you are wondering, they cut open the coconuts and let them dry because the milk is worthless.  It’s the coconut oil that is the cash crop.

The evening culminated with a perfect sunset barbecue, though more ended up being on the menu than was originally scheduled:

I swear dude, it was suicide.   I have witnesses.

Gringos and coconuts

(Continued from previous post… Tahuata, French Polynesia)

Finally, Tiffany made the discovery that lead us down the path of our second great adventure for the day: six coconuts laying about on the island.  Actually, they’re lying all over the place, you actually have to work to avoid tripping over them as you walk around.  However, it was Tiffany’s idea to bring them back to the boat and attempt to open them.  This next video illustrates a fairly simple Polynesian math equation:

1 coconut + 3 gringos + 1 dull machete = hilarity

I remind you all of that footage was from the first coconut.  Now, being Americans, we decided that the best way to proceed with the other coconuts is to both increase the number of tools at our disposal and increase the amount of power those tools put out.  This met with slightly better results…kind of.

Finally, we took a moment to regroup and figure out what we had learned.  Drawing out lessons from our experience so far as: “use a sharp blade over a dull one” and “take the protective husk off first” we refined our process and found some success with the third coconut.

–          Greg

Fatu Hiva, a French Polynesian paradise!

After what could easily be qualified as a “bumpy” night transit south, against the wind and the waves we find ourselves on the island of Fatu Hiva in French Polynesia.  (For our non-sailing friends, it’s called “bashing” when you drive into the wind & waves.  It sucks.  A lot.  This single fact alone actually explains why the entire international cruising community constantly sails to the west; in order to avoid bashing as much as humanly possible.)

We anchored in the Bay of Penises.  Now wait one second.  Before you get all uppity on me, look, don’t blame me that the Polynesian people came up with overly descriptive names for things, because that’s the freaking original Polynesian name, alright (well, the English translation at least).  It’s due to the rock towers that surround the bay.  I’m serious, look it up. (Tiff’s note – the name of the town is Hana Vave in Fatu Hiva)  For those of you too lazy to look it up, I explain the whole issue (inserting my own obvious bias and providing nice views of the anchorage, but not of the male reproductive system) here:

Having arrived at what arguably could be the most amazingly named place on the entire planet, we spent our two days here:

Firstly, by exploring the village. Being as the total island inhabitants number at about 650 split between two villages, this took about a grand total of 15 minutes.  We did however discover some precious little tidbits.  Such as, everyone eats coconuts here and I mean everyone.

Also, speaking of chickens and coconuts, you may want to think twice before you buy that “all natural” tropical coconut meat or coconut oil in the grocery store.

Polynesians do have cats and dogs…lots of cats and dogs, but they also keep other interesting animals on leashes.

We also ran into an interesting event going on as we arrived: all the school aged children were leaving.  Because of the minimal population, there are only grade schools on the island.  Anyone wanting a high school education has to travel by ferry 10 hours or so to Hiva Oa.  The nearest college is in Tahiti (again, about 2000 miles away.)  So kids who want an education spend a lot of time away from home from the 8th grade on.

– Greg