Why Messing with Texas is a BAD Idea!

San Antonio, TX

They also have the Alamo here which almost everyone has heard of but if you’re anything like us you really didn’t realize was in San Antonio or how incredibly epic a display of Early American bad-assery this fortress represents.

So there’s a long story here, let’s get to the awesome part – Mexico owed Texas, people in Texas rebelled, Santa Anna got together an Army and decided to come up North to lay out some hurtin’ and put people back in their places.

It didn’t quite work out like he planned.

The first place he rolls into is the Alamo which is guarded by a small detachment of Texans.

The guy in charge (Col. Travis) decided to hold against all odds and to assist him he called upon the assorted might of what amounted to the pioneering-era Justice League of America: Davy Crockett (the pioneer-turned-congressmen-turned-American-legend-in-his-own-time), David Bowie (a guy so handy in knife fight that people, to this day, buy blades just because his name is on it) and about 200 of what are described as ‘adventurers’.  Was that a job title back then?  “Adventurer”!?  We thought that profession was only available in Greg’s Dungeons & Dragons games Can we put that on our business cards?  Would it count?

Point is, if freaking George Washington’s ghost had shown up and crushed faces it would have probably not been too terribly shocking.

Well, you all probably know they lost but dude what you may not know is that they lost well.  What does that mean, exactly?  Well when you’re outnumbered 12 to 1, taken completely by surprise and the only fortress you have is in reality an abandoned church not designed to withstand armed conflict?  OK them’s tall odds people.

When the other side says, “Surrender and we’ll kill you quick” and you answer that WITH YOUR CANNON, that’s ballsy.

 Apparently this is Texan for “Bring it.”

 And when in order to defeat you the other side, the side with overwhelming forces compared to your own mind you, has to suffer from your the “top-rope elbow dropping” kill ratio (not wounded, KILL RATIO) of 3:1 for each and every single fighter you’ve got?  Yeah, technically the other guy can say they ‘won’ but we doubt the majority of their army, which is now dead, badly wounded or seriously reconsidering the long term benefits of a life of professional arms bearing in their service, would agree with that.

Also the aftermath of the Alamo is where the international community learned for the first time that it is a really, really bad idea to, as they say, “mess with Texas”

Because when you piss off the Texans, they take the next battle and in exactly 18 minutes (which back then was about as long as it took to load your single shot musket) to shove your entire (again larger) army down your throat, capture your sorry butt and when you ask for quarter they reply “you probably should have thought about that the last time.”

We may not always agree with ‘em but we’re pretty happy those Lone Star State people are in our foxholes and not someone else’s.

Cuz back then they didn’t have machine guns.  This is a discrepancy they have since rectified.


The Alamo isn’t the first awesome fort we’ve come across in our travels.  If you haven’t heard the story behind Bora Bora, or, as Greg likes to call it “Battle Fortress: South Pacific” you should check it out.


About the authors

Greg and Tiffany are traveling around the world on sailing yachts and keep a video blog of their (mis)adventures.  If sailing to Tahiti on a 44 ft sailboat, 3-day delays for wine tastings, getting pooped on by seagulls, opening coconuts with dull machetes, sailing past tornadoes and ukulele Christmas carols are for you, then check them out at www.CoastGuardCouple.com!

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8 Responses to Why Messing with Texas is a BAD Idea!

  1. anneliesz says:

    And for what it’s worth that same spirit of the Alamo lives on in Texans everywhere.

    PS- there’s a vendor of pickle juice snow cones across the street from the Alamo.

  2. Abby says:

    Don’t mess with Texas!! I love it. This is my side of the world, and I moved to Las Vegas from Austin many years ago. If they’d had more work available for people like me, I think I’d still be there.

  3. Texas is such a bad ass place let a lone San Antonio! People in that town is just beaming with pride and confidence and the I think the Alamo symbolizes that. Answering with your cannon when someone tells you to surrender definitely is a ballsy move. Lol!

  4. Pingback: Vegemite and firearms | Coast Guard Couple

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